Throwback Thursday #12: Still Feel Depressed

Throwback Thursdays feature relevant posts (of about 20) from a private, online journal I kept last fall. They chronicle my time during a depressive episode, which led to another round of  ECT. You’ll read firsthand what that was like for me. The entries are slightly edited for clarity, and with regard to anonymity.

3027805767_c7dcb43180_zStill Feel Depressed – November 5, 2016

I went to bed at 10:00 PM even though I wasn’t sleepy yet, but that’s what my sleep med is for. I woke up around 5:00 AM probably because I had to use the bathroom, but didn’t actually get up til 5:30. My husband got up long enough to make a pot of coffee and breakfast for me. Around 10 or so when he was ready to go to a coffee shop, he made me a bagel because I was hungry again.

All I did was brush my teeth and put on sweats. Also, I noticed a ton of dried ECT gel in my hair when I got home yesterday, and rinsed it off right away. Maybe if I hadn’t done that I would have been able to get in the shower today. But I don’t know.

I didn’t have it in me to feed the dog and cats, so my husband did it.

Didn’t feel like crocheting, either, though I did finish up the hat I made for my niece.

I feel more depressed than I did earlier in the week, as though I didn’t have ECT yesterday. And my word recall is the worst it’s ever been. I couldn’t even remember the dog’s name at one point yesterday, and I couldn’t remember my brother’s fiancée’s name this morning — hers is the next hat I’m going to make.

I’m not even looking forward to the Ohio State game on TV tonight. It’s like I don’t even care. And I’m a big fan.

All I want to do is finish reading this not-that-great book (City of Thieves by David Benioff, who’s one of the writers for Game of Thrones), and then maybe starting something better.

If I’m to be completely honest, I’m dreading and afraid of ECT on Monday.

Photo credit: C♥rm3n via Visual hunt / CC BY-NC-ND

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