A few years back, I went to an intro yoga class that was held once a week for 4 weeks. Because of my anxiety, I couldn’t believe that I actually went to all of the classes! But when it came to going to an actual, non-intro class, I went to maybe 3. At first, it was great — I felt so relaxed afterwards, and it relieved my anxiety. Then I developed anxiety about going to class, period, which I find ironic.
I was convinced that everyone else, particularly the more experienced attendees, were all staring at me and making fun of my unfashionable yoga clothes. (I wore gym shorts and a t-shirt instead of leggings and a sports bra.) In my mind, they were laughing because I couldn’t do the damn tree pose (see pic). I knew this was all in my head, but it seemed so real, especially because I got the impression that some of the students were cliquey.
There’s an app called Yoga Studio that I tried, but there isn’t enough room in our place to practice yoga. I tried moving furniture around the living room and managed to create a small space, but it was tough doing the poses while having to watch the instructor on my tablet. And admittedly, I was too lazy to move furniture and back on a regular basis.
Last year, my husband and I signed up for that 4-week intro class, but made it to just the first one. I was too anxious to go the 3 following weeks. A couple of people I know offered to go with me to the regular classes, but I never took them up on it.
I’m too frightened of going: I still can’t do the tree pose; there’s no way I’m wearing just a sports bra, even though my t-shirts hang open during some of the poses; and I don’t own lululemon leggings. The 2 pairs of leggings I do have are capri length, and it’s too cold to wear those now, so I’d have to buy more.
I know these are excuses and my anxiety talking. I’m thinking of going to a gentle yoga class on Mondays, once I’m finished with physical therapy. I want to take the train to the studio by myself, which is another source of anxiety, and not have my husband drive me. It’s something to work towards, anyway.