Out of Nowhere

Photo credit: greggman on VisualHunt.com / CC BY

As I put one arm through one sleeve and the other arm through the other, on my black, silky-type shirt this morning, I knew something bad would happen. For example, while eating yogurt, the cuff dragged across the top of the yogurt cup, which I somehow knew would happen. And of course, the yogurt smeared across my sleeve wouldn’t just wipe off. It required soaking, and I didn’t have time for that. I changed into my back-up outfit, and, though unexpected, everything was fine.

Do you ever have feelings of impending doom go through your head? My paternal grandmother, who lives in the Philippines, is fading away. I want to see her before she passes, and I’m afraid that won’t happen, based on my sister’s most recent report (Mama’s had pneumonia for a while). She refuses to eat, and keeps saying that she’s so tired. And who wouldn’t be at 101 years old?

I’d have to leave PHP for at least a week, and while they’re okay with me doing that, I’m not sure that I should. Health comes first, right? But Mama was the matriarch, which probably means that relatives I haven’t seen in a while will be there, and although I’d love to see them under different circumstances, I wouldn’t want to be surrounded. I’d want time alone with her, which, to be honest, I don’t think I’d be able to get. I have a LOT of relatives! Lol!

I was 2 when my parents moved to the US: first my mom, and 6 months later, my dad. I was 3 when some political $hit went down, so my mom flew back there and got me out. The original plan was for Mama to vacation here, while bringing me at the same time. While I was happy to see my mom, I was unhappy to leave my grandparents. I was right to be. I arrived at a home in which my parents yelled at each other non-stop.

At 4-1/2, I went back to the Philippines. I don’t know the reason, though my mom said, “because we thought you’d like it” (sigh, really?) And I did like it, she was right. But it was a 6-mo. stay! On the one hand I loved this, because I got to be around Mama and Papa, my aunt and uncles, but on the other hand, however flawed, I missed my parents. But Mama and Papa were there.

I miss my grandmother, but I don’t think I’m healthy enough for all of the travel, the weird popping going on with my ear, how rushed we’ll be.

Have you ever had to make the sort of decision? Your health vs. the death of a family member?

Daily Prompt: Sleeve

4 thoughts on “Out of Nowhere

  1. I haven’t had to make such a decision, and I can only imagine how difficult it would be, considering I have trouble with healthy boundaries I need to set eith the living.

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