Circa 1971 – 1972. Photo provided by author.

So my grandmother passed peacefully in her sleep two days ago. Had my husband and I gone, I wouldn’t have been able to shower her with hugs and kisses.

She’s the woman standing in the picture, her arm around my waist. My grandfather was holding my hand. Β And finally, my aunt and uncles. This picture was taken circa 1971 – 1972.

Anyway, I don’t know how I feel about this: I felt so much relief at my family’s support of my mental health, and now, I don’t know, she’s gone. Just gone.

She’s the woman who raised me for at least 6 months when I was 2 years old, after my mom left for the US. And for another 6 months (at least) when I was 4. Six months after my mom left, my dad followed suit. I remember going through photo albums and becoming jealous of any picture that contained my parents without me.

But Mama was there. Mama fed, washed, and clothed me as if I were her own. This, in addition to having one son either in school or working, another in the U.S., a daughter in medical school, and a third son either finishing up high school, or starting college. Who knows? In some part of my 2-yo brain, maybe I considered her my own mother. Maybe I still do.

As I began writing this post I was overcome with emotion, which bubbled up from nowhere. I never cried like this for my real mother — I haven’t cried at all for her. But I’m discovering that my grandmother maybe, just maybe, is my mother, too.

Rest in Peace, Mama

Love, ~Chic

NOTE:Β “Chic” is my Filipino nickname among my family.

Daily Prompt: Bubble

21 thoughts on “Mama

  1. I am terribly sorry I am late to this post. I hope you have come to a peace about her passing. She is your angel now. She is closer than before and is able to guide you. I hope you feel her presence.

  2. Very touching, Chic. And what incredible memory you have!
    Love you always, blessings to you and Brian!πŸ™πŸ»πŸ’•πŸ€—πŸ˜˜
    Tita Gin

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