A Day Off From PHP

desk-furniture-apple
Photo on Visualhunt

Today I took the day off from going to PHP #4. I’m absolutely tired of and overwhelmed by it. The program is skills-based, which means the therapists teach us skills aimed at like, improving our outlook and tamping down anxiety. I’ve already used a few of the skills, myself. But the knowledge doesn’t come easy.

During Group, which I call Class because it’s very much like one, the therapists teach us various skills.  The format is, to my vantage point, anyway, very academic, and thus, overwhelming and anxiety-producing. (Yes, I used the word “thus”. Go, me. Lol!) I’d never had trouble in school before, until now — and that’s totally what PHP #4 seems like — school. They ask a question and when one of us answers, they write it onto a whiteboard, where they end up with a list of answers that we’ve called out. I have trouble with this, because the room’s ventilation system is so. Incredibly. LOUD. So much so that I usually can’t hear anything being said by either the therapists or patients/clients (whatever we’re called).

I’ve also felt pressured to provide an answer, which I’ve never felt before. I always had my hand raised in class. But on a few occasions I’ve been called on and left at a loss for words. How utterly embarrassing.

And yet, they joke to us that there isn’t going to be a test. That may be, but then why do I constantly feel like there is? And multiply that feeling by 3 because we have 3 groups to attend each day.

I’m sure this approach works for some people, but it doesn’t work for me. However, my husband says he’s seen a lot of improvement in my mood and activity level. I’m doing more — things that in the past, I only always thought about doing — now, I’m actually doing them, such as using the treadmill. I don’t doubt that the program works, but I don’t know if it’s right for me. I wonder if it’s worth the stress and anxiety of waking up Monday through Friday, only to realize that I have to go back to that place.

14 thoughts on “A Day Off From PHP

  1. It sounds like it is beneficial but would be more so if it was only Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays so that you can assimilate what you have learned without it being overwhelming. I would find it way too overwhelming.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not going to sugar coat this, but it was hard in the beginning for me as well. Here, I was taught how to handle everyday things, and meanwhile, I was residing in a homeless shelter during most of these PHP sessions. It was very difficult, but I forced myself to at least concentrate on what they were instructing me to do, in order to face some of the harder issues of my past, and present. I still have all the assignments and paperwork that was handed out to me, in order to keep my focus. Although, it wasn’t a great help to me on Monday evening. Go figure.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Beckie. I’m sorry it didn’t help earlier this week. I hope you’re feeling better today, and don’t worry—I’ll keep going to PHP 🌻😊❤️

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.