I’m a big-time avoider. If I can get out of doing something or going somewhere I don’t want to do or go to, I just don’t. However, I don’t do so well when I avoid things. My mind swiftly slides into a state of depression, and it becomes really hard to do anything at all. Until I started PHP #4, I didn’t even realize that avoidance is a thing.
At PHP (partial hospitalization program) I learned to identify when I’m avoiding stuff, as well as some skills to combat that feeling, such as thought stopping. I thrive on structure. It’s important to me to have a routine, which includes showering. Some of you know that I have difficulty doing that. Now, I tell myself that I’ll feel better if I do it, and I believe that because it’s true. No, that isn’t always enough to get me in the shower, but it’s a start.
Anxiety is behind a lot of my avoidance, like going to the yoga and martial arts classes that I mentioned the other day. In my mind everyone else is judging me, talking behind my back, laughing at me, and so on. Yet a part of me knows this isn’t true. That part of me also pushes me to do this or that, and basically avoid avoidance. It’s uncomfortable, but I’m getting used to it.
Do you recognize avoidance in your own life?