Being Not Depressed

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It’s been so long since I’ve been at baseline or, “normal,” that I actually forgot what it’s like to be myself. I lost my sense of self in the heavy blanket of depression, and I know this because recently, I came to the realization that I’m not depressed. That the lithium is working. I was surprised because I hadn’t felt this way in so long.

I definitely feel different. The heaviness is gone, I have more energy, I’m more active, my mood is better. However, I don’t feel happy. I’m not unhappy. But I always thought the opposite of “depression” is “happiness.” It’s not in my case. I feel sort of neutral. I feel content. Maybe that’s how I’m supposed to feel.

Also, it seems that I don’t have anything to discuss with my therapist. There are gaps in our conversations because I’m at a loss for words, until she asks a question. I have nothing that I need to process, and I guess that’s a good thing.

How do you feel after coming out of a depressive episode?

Author:

I hold an MFA in poetry from The Ohio State University. I'm a fiction writer, blogger, wife, pet mom, and Ohio State Buckeye!

18 thoughts on “Being Not Depressed

  1. I feel a sense of quiet, calm but very wary. Fragile, desperately fragile and tentative about doing too much. I think this is normal … it’s not happiness exactly, that comes much later, but for now, just feeling a sense of “normal” is flipping fantastic. I’m so happy for you, just go with the flow … baby steps. Take one day at time and use the energy to walk outside and enjoy the air and maybe, just maybe you’ll see something to delight you, to trigger that happiness button. Thinking of you. Katie x

  2. That’s great! For me baseline feels like being me again, and being capable of feeling happy even if it only pops up once in a while.

  3. I think being content is the norm and I’m happy when I feel contentment as I know I’m not depressed. People strive for happiness but happiness comes and goes. Contentment feels like I am balanced and stays longer than happiness and I think it is more fulfilling and healthy state. I am so pleased for you Barb ❤

  4. Yay, that’s exciting! Content…that is my goal. That is how I want to feel. I got to feel content for part of yesterday, and it was wonderful. 🙂

  5. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a “Good Place”, I sort of forgot what it feels like. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t try like hell to be positive and upbeat.
    I think I am just so overwhelmingly happy for you, and hearing that you are feeling less depressed, and have energy. Really thrilled to hear that! Good for you, Barb! 🙂

    1. Thanks, Beckie! I know what you mean about forgetting what it’s like to feel content, or in a good place 🌻

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