It’s been so long since I’ve been at baseline or, “normal,” that I actually forgot what it’s like to be myself. I lost my sense of self in the heavy blanket of depression, and I know this because recently, I came to the realization that I’m not depressed. That the lithium is working. I was surprised because I hadn’t felt this way in so long.
I definitely feel different. The heaviness is gone, I have more energy, I’m more active, my mood is better. However, I don’t feel happy. I’m not unhappy. But I always thought the opposite of “depression” is “happiness.” It’s not in my case. I feel sort of neutral. I feel content. Maybe that’s how I’m supposed to feel.
Also, it seems that I don’t have anything to discuss with my therapist. There are gaps in our conversations because I’m at a loss for words, until she asks a question. I have nothing that I need to process, and I guess that’s a good thing.
How do you feel after coming out of a depressive episode?