I Let Fear Beat Me

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Some of you know that I’ve been wanting to take yoga and martial arts classes, but couldn’t do it because of my anxiety. I’m scared of uncertainty and the unexpected, and strangers. Also, my therapist says that I have anticipatory anxiety when an event (like a class) is about to take place.

Last week, however, I finally took the plunge and went to a yoga class and to a one-on-one orientation session at the martial arts school. I’d been wanting to do these forever! But I kept letting the fear beat me. So I was feeling pretty triumphant about facing my fears and having gone to the classes.

Yesterday was when I planned to start going to martial arts class for the first time, that is, with other students (strangers). I placed my uniform in my gym bag ahead of time so all I’d have to do is pick it up and walk out the door when the time came. Although I was anxious, I was looking forward to going.

Except I let my fear beat me. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety that I nearly had a panic attack — the racing heartbeat, the heart pounding, the hyperventilating. Some of the skills I learned in PHP #4, like positive self-talk, came in handy and helped lower the insistency of my anxiety. I decided to go to martial arts next Tuesday instead, and I intend to do this..

I beat myself up a bit yesterday, but I’m not doing it today, surprisingly. Instead — and this is a first for me — I’m giving myself credit for going to the 2 classes last week. Fear may have beat me yesterday, but I’m still standing.

10 thoughts on “I Let Fear Beat Me

  1. Congrats on giving yourself accolades for what you did achieve and not focusing on what you didn’t… The fact that you went to at least one class is amazing. Great job!

  2. They always used to say in Latin ‘festina lente’–‘make haste slowly’. You made a good start, and then it’ll be time to do more and you’ll get there bit by bit.

  3. Your post reminded me of a quote I use…”Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.” Keep your chin up and remember to never quit hoping that you will win this battle and overcome the anxiety. Time takes time so to speak in recovery. <3 Wendy

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