My Anxiety Depresses Me

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My anxiety has been bad this past week. I had 2 opportunities to go to martial arts class, but I chickened out both times. On Tuesday I hemmed and hawed until it was too late to go, and on Thursday I woke up knowing that I wasn’t going to go that day. And the weird thing is that I look forward to going to class, until the day comes around. I’m so tired of how crippling my anxiety can be.

Anxiety has kept me from doing things that I want to do and that, in turn, makes me depressed. My therapist, who I’m seeing today, said we would strategize and make a plan that makes it bearable for me to go to martial arts. I hope something comes from our meeting today, and that I can go to class on Tuesday.

In the meantime the words, “I’m so depressed,” keep going through my mind. But I don’t know if I really am depressed, because I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like (ever since my medication started working and I was not depressed).

What is familiar is the fact that I’m having trouble getting into the shower. That’s a red flag for me, as far as depression goes. I’ve been reluctant to keep my commitments this week, and had to push myself to follow through. Again, these are things I looked forward to. And I’ve had thoughts of self-harming, but I haven’t acted on them.

I don’t want to go back on Klonopin, but my husband and I discussed the possibility of doing so, or at least trying some other medication. I really don’t want to add more meds to my cocktail.

Has your anxiety ever crippled you from doing new things?

 

21 thoughts on “My Anxiety Depresses Me

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that your anxiety is back. I’m convinced there is something in the air lately that is causing most of us to be feeling it more so in the last few weeks. I do hope your visit goes well with the therapist, and I certainly hope you don’t have to go back on Klonopin again either. That would suck!
    On another note… If you’re up for it, I have just selected you to participate in the ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’ only if you’re up to it.
    https://beckiesmentalmess.wordpress.com/2018/07/13/321-quote-me-greeting/

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, my anxiety has stopped me from doing so much … so much that my world shrank and shrank until I was a tiny little fragment left of the original Katie. Don’t wait for any more red flags, address this now and get it sorted! Oooh that was a bit assertive of me and so please forgive me for being so forward, but I just don’t want anyone to have to go through what I have. Sending you huge hugs. Katie xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m also struggling to leave the house. I don’t go anywhere alone. I hope your plan with the therapist works out to be beneficial. My world has gotten so small that I’ve decided to go back to therapy with the goal of being able to go places by myself. Just even to run errands would be progress for me. I understand the looking forward to something and then not being able to do it. I hope this improves for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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