My Cat Died

IMG_0773I have 2 cats: Hee Seop (HEE-sop) and Angelo, and both are old. Or I should say that I had 2 cats, since one of them, Hee Seop (pictured here), died last Wednesday evening.

Granted, both cats are almost 18 years old, so part of me expected this, just not so soon. Hee Seop had a low appetite about a month ago, but a trip to the vet and some medication helped.

Since then, he hung out in all of the rooms, not just the bedroom where he and Angelo usually sleep all day. Hee Seop sat in my lap on the sofa, or lay next to my husband on the love seat. He didn’t care if the dog was there or not. He wasn’t afraid of Rudy, anyway.

For months he lay next to my head on my pillow overnight. I used to bury my face in his soft fur. I didn’t give voice to it at the time, but all his affection and spending more time in the living room with my husband and me — I was afraid that Hee Seop was saying goodbye.

Then last Wednesday I was sitting at my desk. I could feel him beneath my chair, walking over its legs that spread out like a spider’s and has wheels  on the ends. I thought he was going to sleep in the dog’s bed under my desk, but I heard some weird noises that turned out to be Hee Seop struggling to get out from underneath the chair. His body looked a little odd, and when I saw him move a little, I noticed that his back legs were paralyzed. We took him to the emergency vet immediately.

On the way there, we both mentioned how scared we were that we wouldn’t come home with him. Meanwhile, he was panting and crying very loudly in the back seat. I didn’t know if he was in pain, protesting being in the carrier, or what.

We weren’t at the vet long. The doctor told us that he had a blood clot in his heart. A piece of it broke off and got lodged in his abdomen and blocked the blood supply to his legs, which is why they gave out. I think it’s called a saddle thrombus, and is extremely painful. Fortunately, the vet gave him a pain reliever.

We discussed the prognosis, which the veterinarian said was poor, especially because Hee Seop also had congestive heart failure. They could treat him, but the end result would have been the same as having him humanely euthanized. We chose the latter because we didn’t want to prolong his pain and discomfort.

I’m extremely sad, because Hee Seop was with us since he was a year old. He was a feral cat that showed up on our back porch looking for food, and that I socialized into a tame (but skittish) cat. He isn’t the first cat we needed to have put to sleep. Two others were before him. But it doesn’t get easier. I’m not depressed, which is a good thing. But I think about him a lot.

18 thoughts on “My Cat Died

  1. My sincere condolences for the loss of your Hee Seop, Barb! I know how painfull it is to lose one of our furry babies, even if they had a long and happy life with us. Having him put to sleep was probably a horrible moment to go through, but the best choice to make for him. You saved him more unnecessary pain… But it doesn’t make it easier to go through for you and your family. *Sending warm hugs* xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am so sorry Barb. I am over here bawling. I think I needed a good cry anyway but I can’t imagine your sorrow. In life we expect death but it isn’t until it happens that it becomes real. I hope this doesn’t affect any progress you have made in your recovery. It’s nice seeing a post from you. I miss you. Sorry if it seems I’ve been distant. Just doing too much but I made the decision to slow down. Contact me if you need me. I am always here for you. ❤

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  3. I’m so sorry, Barb, for the loss of your beloved Hee Seop.
    While I’m very relieved to read that you’re not depressed, feelings of sadness, grief, and loss are so tough. And you’re right, it never gets easier saying goodbye to our pets, never.

    It’s clear you absolutely loved Hee Seop and you took the very best care of him!
    My thoughts & prayers are with you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So sorry for your loss. I remember my cat Emily kept my dying husband company near his end of life, then sat eith me that first lonely year after he passed. She stayed with me until right after his 1 yr anniversary of his passing. I think she knew I needed her then. Hardest part of having pets is the goodbye. Marcy is my 3 yr rescue who is feral but starting to trust. Take care!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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