Current Mental Health – July 2019

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Photo on Visual Hunt

Hi, all! Here’s the past month’s rundown on my mental health/life.

Mood has improved over the past month, and is certainly much better than it was in June. My husband asked me if I’m at 100%, but I’m not sure. I don’t, however, feel that I’m falling into a depression, so that’s good.

Sleep has improved, thanks to the higher dose of trazodone that my psychiatrist put me on. It’s only a 25mg increase, but it’s doing the trick. I still wake up once or twice in the middle of the night, but I’m able to fall back asleep immediately instead of being wide awake. The only problem is that I’m still really tired when I wake up, and end up falling asleep for 2 more hours. Hopefully, as I get used to this increase, that tiredness will go away.

I got a new, smaller, more compact pill organizer. Each day’s organizer has 4 compartments, and so did my old one, but this one can be confusing. Instead of taking the Dinner medication at dinner, I took the Bedtime medication, which includes my trazodone! I didn’t even figure it out until bed time! No wonder I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open around dinner time lol!! 😂🤣😂

I turned 50! We spent a long weekend in Madison, Wisconsin for my birthday. I thought I would dread turning 50, but I actually looked forward to it. It’s like now, the second half of my life is beginning. I can, hopefully, forget/let go of the past.

Briefly tempted to jump off the balcony in Madison. Wasn’t at all having suicidal thoughts prior to stepping out on the balcony, nor when the thought of jumping struck me. Can anyone relate?

Showering is getting easier. I may actually start showering every other day, with the goal of showering every day. Hey, we all need goals, right?


How was your July? Please share!

Working on us, Week 7

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*** Trigger Warning ***

On her blog, Beckie of Beckie’s Mental Mess has introduced a set of prompts that touches on mental illness. Each week she offers up 2 prompts for bloggers to use in a nonfiction, fiction, or poetry piece. You can respond to either prompt, or both. For more information, click here. This week, I am responding to Prompt 1.

Week #7 (Delicate Topic) – Suicide Ideation

Prompt #1 Questions

I am glad that Beckie chose “suicide” as this week’s topic. We need to talk about it instead of being silent.

  1. Have you ever experienced suicidal thoughts? Many, many times.
  2. Have you ever attempted suicide? A number of times.
  3. Were you ever hospitalized for a suicidal attempt and/or ideation? Several times.
  4. When you were hospitalized, what was your experience like? I’ve been hospitalized numerous times at different hospitals, so my experience is varied. I don’t think I’ve ever stayed at a truly frightening psych ward. All but one were bad, but at least they weren’t worse, which I’m certain some places are. And then there’s my psych unit “of choice,” in which you were allowed a number of personal freedoms. And you got your own room.
  5. Do you ever feel suicidal ideation since your release? Yes, I have, but I haven’t acted on it. Although medication is readily available to me, my husband has hidden all of  our knives and razors.

 

Working on Us, Week 6

Hands Over Face
Photo from Pixabay

On her blog, Beckie of Beckie’s Mental Mess has introduced a set of prompts that touches on mental illness. Each week she offers up 2 prompts for bloggers to use in a nonfiction, fiction, or poetry piece. You can respond to either prompt, or both. For more information, click here. The rules are below. This week, I am responding to Prompt 1.

 

Rules:

  • Write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.
  • There are no right or wrong answers.  Write in any format you see fit.  (Answer’s, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, poem, short prose…anything).
  • You can do one or all prompts.
  • You have from July 10th. through to July 17th to submit your entries.
  • Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.
  • If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post.
  • Let’s see if we can get some men involved in this weeks prompts, your feelings a validated here too!
  • Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!

~ 💚 ~

Week #6 Prompts: 

Prompt #1 Questions:

1. There are so many varieties of depression out there, such as Bipolar Depression, and (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder.  What type of depression do you suffer from, or have? I’ve suffered from bipolar depression for half of my adult life, as well as from seasonal changes (SAD).

2. What do you do to fight your depression? (Meaning, therapy, medications, meditation, ECT). Medication and therapy, inpatient hospitalizations, partial hospitalizations, and finally ECT, which I no longer undergo. And to be honest, I don’t know if I would choose that treatment option in the future.

3. Does anything help you, and if so… What? ECT has helped in the past, but it isn’t a permanent solution. More recently, my psychiatrist switched my mood stabilizer from Tegretol to lithium, which has lessened my depressive symptoms. It’s working.

Working on Us, Week 5

woman-cutting-cakes-at-garden-party
Photo on Visualhunt

On her blog, Beckie of Beckie’s Mental Mess has introduced a set of prompts that touches on mental illness. Each week she offers up 2 prompts for bloggers to use in a nonfiction, fiction, or poetry piece. You can respond to either prompt, or both. For more information and the guidelines, click here. This week, I am going to respond to Prompt 1.

Rules:

  • Write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.
  • There are no right or wrong answers.  Write in any format you see fit.  (Answer’s, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, poem, short prose…anything).
  • You can do one or all prompts.
  • You have from July 3rd. through to July 9th to submit your entries.
  • Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.
  • If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post.
  • Let’s see if we can get some men involved in this weeks prompts, your feelings a validated here too!
  • Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!

~ 💚 ~

Week #5  Prompts: 

(Note this week’s suggestion came from Sophienaylor1 of “Girl vs. World” brought up eating disorders which by all means is a subject worth bringing more attention to.  However, I’m going to break this into (2) separate questions for Prompt #1).

Prompt #1  (Questions)

 

Question #1  If an eating disorder isn’t about food or weight, what is it all about?  And, what has it done to you personally?

I think it’s all about the person’s insecurities, about how they feel about themselves, which is probably pretty down through no fault of their own, a lot of self-esteem issues. I don’t have an eating disorder, though I do occasionally binge (no purge), my relationship with food is complicated. Sure it’s for nourishment, but I also use it to feed my emotions, good or bad.

Question #2  What is the most difficult thing to handle with your disorder?  (This applies to everyone).

As I said, I don’t have an eating disorder. I’m currently learning not to eat depending on my emotions, like if I’m bored, sad, happy, mad, etc., but it’s hard. I’m so used to having something to soothe me when I’m not feeling right.

Depression & Indecision

yes-3100993_640When I’m depressed, I wouldn’t be able to decide between toast or a bagel for breakfast. And when I’m not depressed, I still can’t. Often, I turn to my husband and ask him if I should do the one thing or the other, hoping that he will decide for me. This rarely works because he rarely tells me which choice to go with! Well, sometimes he does.

What do you think of this outfit? I ask. My husband replies, “Wear what you feel comfortable in.” Or, the red scarf or the darker red scarf? And he says, “Darker red,” when in actuality, I had already made up my mind to wear the regular red one and didn’t need his opinion after all! I only gave these examples from when I’m not depressed, because when I’m depressed, I’m not going anywhere, anyway, so who cares what I’m wearing!

I don’t know how to just choose. Instead, it’s a big production that usually ends up with me making the final decision, anyway. And then my husband throws up his arms and says, “Then why did you ask, if you’re going to go with the opposite choice from what I picked out?”

This behavior on my part must be annoying. The problem is, I have no idea how to stop. Maybe I can Google “how to overcome indecision”? Maybe it’s behavior that migrated from my depressive state and into my baseline state and has become a habit? No clue.


Do you make decisions easily, or do you have a difficult time? Does it become harder when you’re depressed?