Thank you so much to my new followers and old followers for sticking by me and my blog during the time that I took off. I don’t know when I’ll post next; hopefully it will be more regularly.
So. Since January I’ve…
quit, yes quit my drawing class. I went the first 2 times (it was a 5-week course); made the conscious decision not to go the 3rd time (can’t remember why–maybe because I figured out that I couldn’t learn to draw!); there was a polar vortex in the 4th week; and the last class I didn’t feel would be worth it. I know I was just posting about how good I’ve been keeping my commitments, and I’ve been good about it. I had a setback but I started over the next day, which is an outlook I’ve been trying to maintain. No such thing as failures–just mistakes, which I can learn from. I’m finally starting to see things that way.
just finished (all 4 weeks) of another online writing course. It was with the same instructor I had last time. The focus of this class was to simply follow where a story leads, just let your creativity flow to someplace you’ve never been, in terms of your story/writing. As a result of taking this class, along with doing Shut Up & Write’s 30-day Writing Challenge, I’ve been writing every day for at least 2 hours, for about a month. I just can’t think of anything to blog about.
signed up for an intermediate (though that’s relative) crochet class that starts in May! I’m very excited about this. I have been crocheting, though I stalled a week or 2 ago because the shawl I’m working on is somewhat repetitive and I was getting bored. I’m determined to finish it, even though the shape is very obviously wonky.
been to Savannah, Georgia, though I’ll write about that trip in another post!
So recently I’ve mentioned going to a martial arts class but not being able to because of anxiety. Well. Last week I not only went to martial arts (finally!), but to class at 2 different schools! How about that, Anxiety??? I’m talking to YOU!
It was great to be able to compare the 2 because they’re so different from each other, but it helped me pick the right school for me. The first place I went to was on Monday, and theirs is women-centered, which I liked a lot. It’s coed, but there were more women than men, at least at the class I attended. (There was only one guy.) By comparison, the second class I attended last Thursday at a different school, seemed testosterone-driven, but of the men I’ve met there, all of them were really nice. There was more intensity and the class was physically challenging. Class at the first school was less intense and more mental rather than physical. Neither one was better than the other, but I chose the second school because I need the intensity that they offer.
I’ve been saying for a while now that I want to go to a yoga class regularly, but have been too anxious to go. I finally faced this fear about 2 weeks ago. I honestly don’t know how I did it, but I showed up (instead of blowing it off and telling myself that I’ll go next time).
It wasn’t my first class ever, so I had an idea what to expect. I just didn’t know what the intensity would be like, because I signed up for “Gentle Yoga.” The little description on the studio’s web site said that most of the poses are done lying on your back. That seemed easy enough, right?
Wrong. Yes, a lot of the poses were done while we were on our backs, but there were many that required balancing on one body part or another, like your foot. Or your knee. I have balance problems as it is, but it’s made worse by lithium tremors. I’ll be in a pose and start to feel my arm shaking, for example. I was afraid of falling to one side and landing ungracefully on my mat. I grew more anxious. I didn’t achieve a sense of inner peace, and certainly not balance, among other benefits of yoga.
And I wish this wasn’t true, because nearly everyone I know declares that it’s so good for your mind and body. I don’t doubt that. But this recent experience made me uneasy, and I realized afterwards that I simply don’t like yoga. And that’s ok.
Some of you know that I’ve been wanting to take yoga and martial arts classes, but couldn’t do it because of my anxiety. I’m scared of uncertainty and the unexpected, and strangers. Also, my therapist says that I have anticipatory anxiety when an event (like a class) is about to take place.
Last week, however, I finally took the plunge and went to a yoga class and to a one-on-one orientation session at the martial arts school. I’d been wanting to do these forever! But I kept letting the fear beat me. So I was feeling pretty triumphant about facing my fears and having gone to the classes.
Yesterday was when I planned to start going to martial arts class for the first time, that is, with other students (strangers). I placed my uniform in my gym bag ahead of time so all I’d have to do is pick it up and walk out the door when the time came. Although I was anxious, I was looking forward to going.
Except I let my fear beat me. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety that I nearly had a panic attack — the racing heartbeat, the heart pounding, the hyperventilating. Some of the skills I learned in PHP #4, like positive self-talk, came in handy and helped lower the insistency of my anxiety. I decided to go to martial arts next Tuesday instead, and I intend to do this..
I beat myself up a bit yesterday, but I’m not doing it today, surprisingly. Instead — and this is a first for me — I’m giving myself credit for going to the 2 classes last week. Fear may have beat me yesterday, but I’m still standing.
I’m sorry I haven’t been around, blogging erratically, reading others’ blogs whenever I have a minute — which are few. I don’t know how prolific I’ll be after today; again, I’ll probably be posting here and there.
What’s taking up my time so much? PHP 4. There are only 3 groups and lunch each day, so it doesn’t sound tough, but it is, oh, it is! Maybe it’s the homework that’s killing me: I’ve been assigned various activities to do outside of PHP, like contact a couple of girlfriends and set up a brunch (which is tomorrow), feed the kitties, start a knitting class (which isn’t going so well), and so on. So I’m now doing all this stuff that I either used to do or have never done before. And it takes up more and more of my time, which is why I’ve only been on WP every now and then.