Photo credit: eccampbell on VisualHunt.com / CC BY-SA

So as I mentioned yesterday, my lifestyle change includes exercise, which I absolutely cannot stand. I know from experience that this helps lift depression, but it’s so hard for me to do; I have no incentive. At least not immediate, rewarding incentive (a slice of pie, anyone?).

Over 10 years ago, I played hockey and used to work out every day. I alternated cardio with mat pilates.

I felt great working out, both physically and mentally. My body was fit and trim, and the depression dwindled and I felt confident. I challenged myself to how long or how quickly I could run on the treadmill, which felt good. I even used to go to a gym, albeit in the late mornings when most people had already worked out and left for work.

What makes it so hard today? I honestly don’t know. For one thing, I’m not playing hockey, so it’s like, why bother? I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to do the physical work!

We have a fold-up treadmill here at home, but it’s a pain to use. I have to lower the part I “tread” on every time, and lift it back to position when I’m done. It probably takes longer to set up than it does to use it! So I started using the treadmill again, erratically. I started walking for 10 minutes at 2.3 miles per hour, and will increase both the length of time and the speed as I go.

My “treadmilling” increased when I came across a 30-day workout challenge on Pinterest that has nothing to do with walking. It seemed to me that it would be good to warm up on the treadmill before doing the exercises specified in the challenge: push-ups, squats, crunches, and lunges. Each day the number of these exercises increases and by the end of the month, I’ll be rocking out. Lol! I’m on day 6. I’ve also heard that it takes about 30 days to establish a new habit. My new normal. Wish me luck!

Do you exercise regularly? Would you do a 30-day challenge?


Photo on Visual hunt

I joined a weight-loss program in February. It’s called Noom (this is not an ad!). Since I began, I’ve lost all of 4 or 5 lbs. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but my fellow Noomies on the Noom Facebook group assure me that slow and steady wins the race. I also suspect that the lithium is hindering my weight loss because of its side effects of weight gain.

This is the first program I’ve participated in. Noomies have said that on other programs, people would lose a bunch of weight in the first 4 weeks or so and then gain it all back and more. Noom supposedly helps you maintain your goal weight by use of psychology.

Every day, there’s a “lesson” in the Noom app that explains a concept, such as reasons why we choose to eat the foods that we do. Or what type of eater you are. I’m an emotional eater, but I already knew that! Still, being reminded makes me really consider the reasons why I eat when I do. For example, if I feel bored, I eat. If I’m either upset or happy, I’ll eat. I can’t remember what the other types of eaters are, but I do know that I also fall into the group that will eat something just because it’s there.

Noom uses psychological tactics to combat these. For example, it helps if you put your snacks in the cabinet because out of sight, out of mind. If you reward  yourself with food, they suggest that you instead reward yourself with things that have nothing to do with food: a  new pair of shoes, a day at the beach. Basically, they change the way you think–to come up with a “new normal.”

My new normal includes exercise (yuck! I’ll cover that tomorrow). And making the healthier choice when it comes to food. I actually ordered a salad instead of something heavier at a restaurant! It was difficult to make that decision, but it has become easier.

I do eat whatever I want to, but foods are classified green, yellow, and red; red is the least healthy. As long as you stay within the calorie limit (that Noom sets based on your height and age) for red foods, you can eat it! They really stress portion control by stopping eating when you’re full and/or eating when you’re hungry, neither of which had ever occurred to me.

The weight loss will come. I just have to believe and be patient and not compare myself to other Noomies. That, so far, has been the hardest thing to do.

Me vs. Extra Weight

Photo on Visualhunt

So I gained a few pounds, probably from a combination of Christmas treats and my meds (specifically the lithium), but I’m slowly starting to work it off. I haven’t been overeating, I’m eating only until I feel full, I’m trying to make the healthier choice when it comes to food, I’m trying to actually exercise.

I’m taking it slow, changing my habits. For example, I eat off of a smaller plate rather than a dinner plate so I have the illusion that I’m eating more than I really am. I’m eating better snacks, like frozen fruit bars, which are lower in calories than chocolate. I still eat chocolate, but in moderation. I also don’t beat myself up if I fail one day and eat more than my calorie allotment. I’m reminded that, because there’s a tomorrow, I can always try again the next day.

Of course I couldn’t do all this without any help. I joined a weight-loss program about 10 weeks ago. I’ve lost 5 lbs., which doesn’t seem like a lot, but slow and steady wins the race, is what the weight-loss people say because not only do they want you to lose the weight, they want you to keep it off for good.

I’m trying to learn to love my body, and I’ll be honest. It seems that I can’t accept it until it’s slimmer. I am embarrassed by the size of my belly. I even bought shapewear–something like SPANX–to compress the fat. It doesn’t work as well as they showed on Instagram (duh!), but it works. It’s also a pain in the ass to wear. It doesn’t roll down, but because I’m 5’1″ the waist goes practically to my armpits! I definitely don’t wear it every day. When I am finally slim, I still may not love my body, but that’s another battle.

If you feel that you need or want to lose weight, would you participate in a weight-loss program?

I Lost 10 lbs.

Photo credit: Holland375 on VisualHunt / CC BY-NC-ND

Some of you may know about my weight troubles. Anyway, I lost 10 lbs. since this past April, so it’s been about 2 months. I stopped eating candy, ate smaller portions, and began using the treadmill. I also started going to PHP #4 in April. Having to get up early, get dressed, and leave the house every day (M – F) accounted for some of it, too. I wasn’t used to so much activity.

Somebody told me that I’d probably gain 10 lbs. from lithium, so I’m glad I avoided that. I still need to lose another 10, though. At least I can fit into my old jeans.

Now that I’ve lost this weight, I’ve started eating candy again. Way to self-sabotage. I didn’t even realize I was sabotaging myself. Now that I’m aware, I can do something about it, such as stop. Eating. Candy.

I try to use the treadmill every day, but it doesn’t always happen, mainly because we have plans and I end up forgetting to, or don’t have time to fit it in. Granted, I only walk swiftly for 11 minutes (up from 10) lol!

Hopefully, the next 10 lbs. will be easy to shed.

Are you trying to lose weight, too? Has your medication caused you to gain weight?

Miserable About My Weight Gain

This is EXACTLY how I look, even in my new jeans; Photo credit: Tobyotter on VisualHunt / CC BY

I haven’t written about my mother in a while, partly because of my current mental health issues, so my therapist and I temporarily stopped working on Daughter Detox, which is a book that includes exercises on “recovering from an unloving mother and reclaiming your life.” (That’s the book’s subtitle.)

I’ve already mentioned this, but I have to say it again: I’m uncomfortable with my appearance. I’m not sure why, but I don’t focus so much on my face (my mom used to call me ugly, which I guess I’ve accepted — still working on disbelieving that), but I’m obsessed with my weight. Last spring I weighed 129 lbs. Now I’m up to 140 lbs. no thanks to Prozac and now the lithium, too.

In my research, I discovered that for both medications, 25% of patients gain weight from them. Well, I guess I’m that 1 in 4. Is it even possible to thwart medication weight gain? If I exercise, will it reduce my weight? Or do I just need to suck it up and accept the weight? What are your thoughts?

Also, I bought new jeans and long-sleeve tops yesterday because: 1) I can’t fit into my old jeans or khakis; and 2) to hide my self-harm scars. Looking at myself in the dressing room mirror was so defeating. I know I should follow the advice that was written in the post I reblogged last night, but it’s so hard.

If you’ve gained weight from medication, were you able to stay on the meds and lose weight through exericise/diet?

Tomorrow Afternoon: my first day of PHP!

Daily Prompt: Thwart